Supernatural Inspiration

So, I have had an interesting week. I've started writing music for Chains of Freedom as I've gotten the plot points where I want them. Basically, I'm going to write some tracks this month, then use them for inspiration for what I write when I start next month. More than inspiration, actually. They're like the audible blueprints of the emotions and the pacing.

But when I talk about inspiration, there is a lot of inspiration going on in my house lately. Directly related to this film, I realize. Last October I was at Vineyard Boise's Men's Retreat. I got a notebook from it. The day after I got home from the retreat, I felt the urge to wake up early one morning, leave the lights off, pick up my notebook and write whatever came to me on the page. So I did. One of the things I wrote? "I'm going to send you an angel to inspire you." Cool, I thought.

Fast-forward to this week.

It's Monday night, or early Tuesday morning, one of the two. I'm at my computer, working on the webpage for The Baseball. The phone rings. I look at it -- it's my cell phone, which is in the bedroom. I pick it up. My wife's on the other line.

"Are you okay?" she asks. What this means is, you're up really late, at the computer, online.

Back-up. To fully understand this, I must disclose why I go to Celebrate Recovery. One of my character flaws is lust, specifically through the internet. That's right. Porn. It has been a battle that I have fought, and I take no prisoners with by fighting to be brutally honest with my brothers and sisters, and my wife. Fortunately, I have a wife that understands what I battle, and fights with me. She doesn't fight for me, but she is my spouse, my "life-partner", as some say. She fights alongside me, and I fight alongside her when she struggles with her things.

So, I realize, oh, it is really late, I am kind of in the danger zone, but, odd, not really feeling tempted at all. In fact, the thought is kind of repulsive. So I reply, "Yes, I think so."

Her voice wavers as she says, "I had a weird dream. I dreamt a demon was standing over you while you were at the computer."

Of course, that sends chills down my spine. You gotta know, when my wife dreams something like that, it's real. We've experienced it first-hand, as we've driven out demons from our house before, and one of them, the demon of pornography, is a vile creature that Rachel described as a skeleton with a bony finger that points at you. He was at every spot I've looked at porn or masturbated, constantly pointing at me. Together, we asked Jesus to drive him out.

So I was perturbed when my wife dreams of this. But when she describes him, it's not a skeleton. Not that I think spiritual beings retain the same shape, I think emotions change what a spirit looks or feels like, just as our emotions change the way we see things. But demons are one dimensional -- they are the ultimate depression. They can't ever be anything other than what they are called. Just like, when you don't have Christ, you are what you struggle with. Thank Christ that I don't have that problem -- I am NOT what I struggle with because of Him.

Rachel described him as a lengthy, seven foot tall, plain looking, creepy and intense being. (Later she told me he also had large wings, but they were folded behind him, and his arms were crossed as he stared intently at me.) I put my guard up, said a couple of loud prayers in case it was a demon, but felt pushed to keep working. It wasn't a guilt or an addictive thing, it was, "I want to do this." I honestly wanted to finish The Baseball's page, because it was one step closer to my goals, goals that I think are what God wants me to do. My creativity was at an all time high, and porn was the furthest thing from my mind.

I hit the sack at the evil hour of 4 a.m., having finished (at least for now) The Baseball's page. Ugh. Three hours later, I was up again, going to work.

Last night, I was at the computer again, this time writing the aforementioned music. As I was looking at my shadow on the curtains, I saw what I thought was the shadow of another behind me moving. Then, I had one of those moments where I blinked and went, "Wait, my physical eyes didn't see that." Chills. Again, I rebuked any demon that might be there and called on God to protect me. And again, the inspiration flowed. The piece I created was incredibly eerie, describing...well, I'm not ready to talk about Chains of Freedom's plot line. Not just yet. ;)

I played it for my wife tonight, and she started getting extremely uncomfortable. She looked at me with watering eyes and said, "This is really creepy." She was getting the same feeling that she got when she saw the being standing over me. It was at that moment that I remembered, God had said He was going to send an angel to inspire me. And somehow, I think that angel is "in" that musical piece.

Praying about it, I feel that this angel is assigned to me for a while, and wonder if he isn't permanently assigned to this film. Going back to what I said a minute ago, I think that angel looked or felt intense and disturbed because that's what he was feeling. Entirely spiritual beings, I believe, aren't bound by physical dimensions. They look as they feel. Think about it. You, a human being, are both spirit and flesh. Your flesh keeps you in one shape (that slowly changes, still), but depending on how you think, how you feel, it can affect how you see, what you see, and sometimes, yeah, it can even change your appearance.

I don't seek for Him to bless my projects. I ask to bless His. And I pray that's what's happening. My prayer is that God would literally invest His Spirit, His Forces, into this film. There's legend that a picture captures both the seen and the unseen. If that is ever to be true, I pray Chains of Freedom captures the unseen here.

All that to say, I think there's an angel hanging out at my house. And I welcome any of God's army to abide with me. I pray I can be of service to the Kingdom of Light.

- Brandon