"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
I question every day when I've actually heard God, because I do have a lot of voices that bounce around due to my vivid and wild imagination.
The only clue I have is that it's always the one that enters with a quiet but dominant "Hush" that silences every other thought. I always hear that, but am sad to say I have not always obeyed.
I had a recent experience with this.
There was a blind woman at my church during the week, as I was walking out of the office (I work there as the Media Director). I was heading out to my car for lunch. She was leaving as well, with a walking stick. She seemed a bit frustrated.
I saw her, was walking behind her for a moment, and that's when all other thoughts exited and all I heard was, "Pray for her sight to be returned to her."
I was terrified. First, how could I know that was really God? What if it wasn't? And...why me? Damn it, why me?
I just kind of stood by my car, watching her. I wanted to obey...but...what if it wasn't true? What if it wasn't...real?
Not the first time I doubted, won't be the last (because I know me), but the throbbing thought wouldn't leave. It literally hurt to get into the car and drive away.
On the drive home, there was no condemnation, no "I suck" feeling. Just absolute silence. Not the silence of no one there, but rather, the Big Guy in the passenger seat, looking at the road ahead. And no other thought was able to penetrate.
I tried to liven the conversation by saying, "God, I'm sorry I didn't go pray for her. I just couldn't know for sure if it was you, you know? I hear stuff all the time, and it's just kind of fleeting, wishful, you know?"
No response.
"So, I'll get in Your Word when I get home and, if You could have me open to some passage that confirms that was Your voice, I'll never hesitate again. I'm sorry, God."
Still silence.
I got home, cracked open the book, and landed, I can't even remember where, but it was irrelevant. Some never ending lineage. I flipped back and forth, maybe I'd opened to the wrong page...
Then I heard Him again, very clearly, and I froze as He said, "When are you going to stop treating the Bible like a damned lucky charm, boy? I told you to do something, you didn't do it, now move on. That was Me, boy. Grow up."
(Understand, God doesn't necessarily speak to me in words, but in thought. It's always a paraphrase, because it's pure energy when I hear/feel Him. But yes, I'm pretty sure God said "damned".)
Anyway, that happened a few weeks ago, but I guess the reason I'm sharing is, not everybody gets the visions. But the more we pursue Him, the more it becomes about others, and not about ourselves. If it's only about ourselves, and our fears, and our need to be recognized as spiritual or God's chosen or whatever, then we have to ask some hard questions, as I had to ask some hard questions of myself after that moment.
I do believe, Lord help me with my unbelief. Help me to become so radically willing to trust Your Voice that my willingness overrides my fear of looking foolish.
9 comments:
Brandon, I think what you are describing is indeed a serious dilemma. Jeremiah 17:9 says The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it? So how can we trust what we hear in our heart?
I'd be curious to look at some instances of Scripture to help us. Do you know anywhere in Scripture where a prophet who received direct revelation from God was uncertain if it was God or just a thought in his head?
I think, for me, Gideon is the man that I can identify with. Of course, he had the benefit of a straight up physical encounter with God, but even then he still doubted. He wanted to know for certain.
What I felt God communicating to me in that moment was that I knew God, and I know the difference between a good idea and something that God's putting on my heart. Like I said, when it's God really pushing something for me to do, it's very much different from when there's a good thing that I want to do. And usually when God has something for me, the prospect of getting there is terrifying.
Who knows? It could have been something else that would have come about by reaching out to the blind woman, but I distinctly felt God say "Pray for her sight". If I had approached her then, with the thought that maybe God would do something else, that would be, in my opinion, going with rationale as to what "God really wants" as opposed to going with faith.
It is a conundrum, that's for sure. I've walked away with a refreshed conviction to listen the next time He so clearly speaks. It's not often that it's as strong and downright painful as it was then.
Hrm, ok. I think Gideon's situation is quite different actually, unless I misunderstood your original post.
1) Gideon was not trying to discern if the person he was talking to was a voice inside his head. He knew it was a person and he asked the person to reveal if they were God.
2) Later, he did not doubt that what he had been told was a revelation from God, but he doubted that God meant what He said. There is a HUGE difference between those two.
I don't think I see anywhere in Scripture where someone is having a difficult time discerning if revelation from God is something in their head or not. It seems that in every instance the reality of revelation is certain, but the obedience is not. If you could point me to somewhere else in Scripture that shows otherwise I would appreciate it. Thanks.
This is true. I guess what I'm trying to communicate is that I knew it was God -- it was my flesh that sowed seeds of doubt. I'm certainly no prophet; just a follower of Christ attempting to be obedient to the Spirit. But in order to get there I have to get over my fear of man.
Seeing as how Satan can disguise himself as an angel of light, how do you discern between the whisperings of Satan and those of God?
Are you postulating, then, that Satan would want me to go up to a blind woman, pray for God to heal her, and profess Christ's love for her? Yeah, that sounds like Satan. ;)
There were two voices contending. One wanted me to get into the car, and was fear based. The other was wanting me to take a chance, to express God's love, and was compassion based.
You tell me.
And on that note, I do have a piece of Scripture that comes to mind.
Luke 11:14-20
Jesus was driving out a demon that was mute. When the demon left, the man who had been mute spoke, and the crowd was amazed. But some of them said, "By Beelzebub, the prince of demons, he is driving out demons." Others tested him by asking for a sign from heaven.
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall. If Satan is divided against himself, how can his kingdom stand? I say this because you claim that I drive out demons by Beelzebub. Now if I drive out demons by Beelzebub, by whom do your followers drive them out? So then, they will be your judges. But if I drive out demons by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come to you.
Seems clear to me, that God's easiest to discern when His voice is calling me to do something that Jesus would've done. But that's just me. :)
I don't want to press this too far, I just wanted to hear your thoughts. However, I do think Satan, the great deceiver, is much more subtle than most give him credit for.
For me, the test of any kind of impulse or urge that I have to do something is to test it against Scripture. Clearly you would be confirmed if you looked to Scripture to see if you should pray for that woman. But that wouldn't necessarily mean that what you heard was revelation from God. Rather, it was probably simply your mind remembering what you have been taught from Scripture (through the Holy Spirit's help) and being convicted to act on that.
My concern is that Satan profits tremendously from getting people to trust in what they believe are direct revelations from God in their head with the hope of building more trust in those voices than in the sufficient revelation God has given us in His Word. I just don't know of any instances in Scripture where people aren't sure if the voice in their head is God's or their own.
I'd be interested to know what you think of this article:
The Lord Told Me - I Think!
I agree that Satan is quite subtle. And if the voice speaking to me was saying something to the effect of, "Find it within yourself to heal that woman" or some nonsense such as that, I wouldn't've paid it a second moment's thought.
Regarding my thoughts on the article you posted, I agree that God's revelation does not contradict the Word, but I don't worship the Bible, either. It points to God. It's not what saves me.
It seems that there is an agenda here, you seem interested in somehow proving that I didn't hear from God because I didn't act in faith, or something to that effect. Because I let the fear of man get the better of me. There's not much I can say to that. It's my failing, not an indicator of a false voice.
Perhaps what disturbs you is what I felt God spoke to me, to stop using His Word as a lucky charm. What I felt He meant by that was simply to stop using the book a quick reference when I have a question or dilemma. Instead to be in it more daily, letting the confidence of His Word soak me up and overcome the doubts of the flesh.
That, and, I knew it was Him. I knew it. And I didn't act. The questions of "was that really God" was just my flesh stalling. So when God told me to "grow up", it was merely relating to Paul's words when he says, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
His point, then, was that I'm no longer (and haven't been for some time) a new believer with no experience with God, or understanding of His Word. It's time for me to stop questioning, and start obeying.
It's not like, every day, I hear this super clear voice. It hasn't been that clear in a long time.
And now I'm starting to feel like I'm justifying myself to you. I'm accountable to God, my friend. I assure you, I am pursuing Him, and dwelling on His Word. However I will also assure you, I will not worship His Word. I will worship Him.
It's like if my wife wrote me a letter while she was away. I love her, so I love her words. But if she came home, and I was so obsessed with her letter, now, that I was more in love with that stupid piece of paper than her...well, there'd be problems in the marriage, now wouldn't there?
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