Faith, Doubt, Grace and Becoming Obedient

Whenever I start envying those in the faith who've had authentic visions and have obviously been very powerfully contacted by God, I remember what Jesus told Thomas, who had to see the holes in Christ's resurrected body in order to believe.

"Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

I question every day when I've actually heard God, because I do have a lot of voices that bounce around due to my vivid and wild imagination.

The only clue I have is that it's always the one that enters with a quiet but dominant "Hush" that silences every other thought. I always hear that, but am sad to say I have not always obeyed.

I had a recent experience with this.

There was a blind woman at my church during the week, as I was walking out of the office (I work there as the Media Director). I was heading out to my car for lunch. She was leaving as well, with a walking stick. She seemed a bit frustrated.

I saw her, was walking behind her for a moment, and that's when all other thoughts exited and all I heard was, "Pray for her sight to be returned to her."

I was terrified. First, how could I know that was really God? What if it wasn't? And...why me? Damn it, why me?

I just kind of stood by my car, watching her. I wanted to obey...but...what if it wasn't true? What if it wasn't...real?

Not the first time I doubted, won't be the last (because I know me), but the throbbing thought wouldn't leave. It literally hurt to get into the car and drive away.

On the drive home, there was no condemnation, no "I suck" feeling. Just absolute silence. Not the silence of no one there, but rather, the Big Guy in the passenger seat, looking at the road ahead. And no other thought was able to penetrate.

I tried to liven the conversation by saying, "God, I'm sorry I didn't go pray for her. I just couldn't know for sure if it was you, you know? I hear stuff all the time, and it's just kind of fleeting, wishful, you know?"

No response.

"So, I'll get in Your Word when I get home and, if You could have me open to some passage that confirms that was Your voice, I'll never hesitate again. I'm sorry, God."

Still silence.

I got home, cracked open the book, and landed, I can't even remember where, but it was irrelevant. Some never ending lineage. I flipped back and forth, maybe I'd opened to the wrong page...

Then I heard Him again, very clearly, and I froze as He said, "When are you going to stop treating the Bible like a damned lucky charm, boy? I told you to do something, you didn't do it, now move on. That was Me, boy. Grow up."

(Understand, God doesn't necessarily speak to me in words, but in thought. It's always a paraphrase, because it's pure energy when I hear/feel Him. But yes, I'm pretty sure God said "damned".)

Anyway, that happened a few weeks ago, but I guess the reason I'm sharing is, not everybody gets the visions. But the more we pursue Him, the more it becomes about others, and not about ourselves. If it's only about ourselves, and our fears, and our need to be recognized as spiritual or God's chosen or whatever, then we have to ask some hard questions, as I had to ask some hard questions of myself after that moment.

I do believe, Lord help me with my unbelief. Help me to become so radically willing to trust Your Voice that my willingness overrides my fear of looking foolish.

"Scandalous" Movies...?

Before I write anything else, I must attribute the inspiration of this brain fart to my friend and co-worker Jerry.

Reading imdb.com (sadly, I do check it daily for Hollywood news -- I know, I know...) I found a rather interesting article, which I will post here:

Campbell's Bollywood Bomb Attacked By Hindus

23 July 2009 5:06 AM, PDT

Naomi Campbell's new Bollywood movie has opened to dreadful reviews in India - and now Hindus have taken aim at the film.

Campbell’s first Bollywood venture Karma, Confessions and Holi has bombed badly at the box office, with local critics calling the film an "undignified disaster” and an "unholy mess”.

And now religious leaders are letting their feelings be known about the movie, which was directed by Manish Gupta and co-produced by Robert De Niro’s daughter Drena.

Rajan Zed, the president of Universal Society of Hinduism, tells WENN, "Hindus have strongly objected to the usage of Hindu terminology in movies and Karma, Confessions and Holi has nothing much to do with karma or Holi.

"Hindus welcome world filmmakers making films about Hindu subjects but taking Hinduism seriously and respectfully and not reimagining its concepts and symbols just for mercantile greed. Holi and karma have definite meaning for devotees, and improper usage of such terms is not Ok."

Now, reading this, at first I want to chuckle a little because, I'm sorry, I just find it funny. But then, as I'm chatting with Jerry, we both had this thought...what if the article looked like...this?

Campbell's Bomb Attacked By Christians

23 July 2009 5:06 AM, PDT

Naomi Campbell's new Hollywood movie has opened to dreadful reviews in Colorado Springs - and now Christians have taken aim at the film.

Campbell’s Hollywood venture Jesus, Mary and Joseph has bombed badly at the box office, with local critics calling the film an "undignified disaster” and an "unholy mess”.

And now religious leaders are letting their feelings be known about the movie, which was directed by Manish Gupta and co-produced by Robert De Niro’s daughter Drena.

James Dobson, of Focus on the Family, tells WENN, "Christians have strongly objected to the usage of Christian terminology in movies and Jesus, Mary and Joseph has nothing much to do with Jesus.

"Christians welcome world filmmakers making films about Christian subjects but taking Christianity seriously and respectfully and not reimagining its concepts and symbols just for mercantile greed. Jesus, Mary and Joseph have definite meaning for devotees, and improper usage of such terms is not Ok."

I don't even fully know what point I'm making by the contrast...maybe just thinking a movie is...well...just a movie, and we all should either go see a movie...or stay home?

"Missed, Taken" and "Un"

Well, I blink and 2+ months have passed since my last blog posting. Yikes!

So, Chains of Freedom is still chugging along, the second draft is taking its time in getting me feedback from others, but I've had plenty of other things to keep me busy while I wait!

"Missed, Taken"

First up, I just co-wrote, shot and edited a new short film for entry into this year's Idaho International Film Festival, a film entitled "Missed, Taken". It's all wrapped and ready to show, but I'm going to wait to post it until it's debuted this September. Featuring once again a lead performance by TJ Johnson, "Missed, Taken" was a unique experience for me in that TJ, as producer, explicitly stated that he wanted only pro actors for this cast.

Working with an all pro cast is quite different from working with first-timers or amateurs. These folks knew their craft, came prepared and knew their characters. I didn't have to introduce them to the folks they were playing (though at first, being accustomed to directing "newbies", I tried to).

After the first big day of filming, I asked TJ to give me some feedback on my directing. He really encouraged me to trust the actors more to come to the table prepared, and to direct in the form of questions if something didn't work for me. For example, during the second big day of filming, when TJ's character meets with another, the other character delivers a line that is meant to be kind of a joke.

TJ played the reception of that line as being insulted. That wasn't quite what I was wanting from TJ, and, using the feedback he gave me the week before, I asked him what he was thinking at his response. He told me his character felt belittled by the zinger. I then was able to pinpoint the exact thought process and tweak it, instead of broadly handling his whole performance. I asked TJ to consider that his character was so excited for an upcoming event that he didn't care if he was insulted or not. Bingo. The next run-through was exactly what I needed.

Filming "Missed, Taken" was a blast, and I had a lot of fun exploring what it means to direct pro actors. Today the screener DVD and submission letter are off for the Idaho International Film Festival's consideration. I'll let you know if and when it's accepted.

"Un"

Secondly, I'm developing a concept for an online serial drama series, entitled "Un". The short of it is a man wakes up with no memory of who he is, and seeks to discover the life that was stolen from him. I'm keeping the story details low key right now, but here's what I'm looking at for a production plan.

The presentation format will be prepared for weekly online distribution, in approximately ten minute segments, spread over thirteen months. In actuality, each segment will be but one act within a forty to sixty minute episode. There will be, proposed, thirteen episodes in all. These episodes, upon completion, will then be packaged in their longer formats as a DVD set.

The production format will be bi-monthly, one month given to writing and pre-production, the next month given to production and post-production, with the episode then displayed over the course of the following third month, weekly. On that third month, while the finished episode begins its debut, the process for the next episode begins. The total amount of time, then, spent on this project will be roughly fourteen to fifteen months once we begin.

Budget will most likely be non-existent, and I will depend on volunteer casts and crew. This will be, for me and for the others involved, a work of passion. However, we will arrange agreements on how to distribute any potential profit we see from the DVD sales (or other profits that become possible), specifically among those that regularly contribute.

Due to the lack of budget, we will be shooting guerilla style, hand-held, while refraining from any form of zooming. We will need an effects team to create, cheaply yet effectively, this not so distant future. Shots will be tight, and stories will be entirely character driven to keep the need for elaborate effects and stunts down as much as possible. Locations will be a challenge, as a lot of this is within a city, albeit, a small city, one that, conveniently, will resemble Boise, Meridian, Nampa and perhaps Caldwell, as we have need.

My role in all of this will be as the top producer and chief writer, as well as the editor, composer and occasional director (though I do hope to bring in other guest directors for many of the episodes).

I'll keep you all up to date on that as it develops as well.