www.hall-e-woode.com

Just a quick note: this blog is now officially my only website, other than Project: Morning Rain. I felt I wasn't doing enough with my original site, giving far more attention to my blogs, and since I can post news, videos, and short films here just as easily as I would on any other site, and I'm here more often...it just made sense.

So I've canceled my webspace, utilizing www.dropbox.com to send files and such to folks that I work with, and have saved myself a cool $11.99 a month. Woohoo!

So, folks, welcome to www.hall-e-woode.com!

A Lesson in Prayer

Last Monday, I felt the need to visit my part of the Church's prayer ministry during what they call "Soaking Prayer", which takes place every Monday evening. "Soaking Prayer" is simple: a team of two people pray with you in a room with no time limits. Most often it's used for physical healing, but I decided to go for physical healing (I've had surgery to remove my colon in 2001, and would love a new one) and more so, for confirmation that God has been speaking to me about Project: Morning Rain and the modern take on the questions presented in the book of Job.

While being prayed over, one of the things the prayer team spoke over me was that I needed to be bolder in asking for what God's put on my heart, that God won't disappoint. So they led me to ask God aloud for my physical restoration, and waited. Nothing happened, but I felt a great release as I was able to honestly, in the presence of others, ask Him for it. I also received the freedom to accept that sometimes He says "no", even when He moves us to ask. Though I can't reconcile why He would tell me to ask and then say, "No", I'm beginning to get it.

This week was a test further in that direction. As my readers no doubt know well by now, I am without a camera, and am asking God to provide a new one for me in this work by March. I was talking with Him about it, how it is so frustrating that He both freed me from feeling obligated to "side jobs" in order to ensure we can make it and pushed me towards doing the films He has for me, and moved me to donate my camera to my part of the Church.

Then He said, in that small Voice of His, "You could ask that I would give you the Canon 7D for Christmas." My initial reaction, and what I struggled against throughout the week, was the instinct to recoil and think, "He's not going to give it to me, so why bother?" On the other hand, I didn't want to get my hopes up, because He just said I could ask. He didn't say He would say yes.

But in that moment, I made a decision to start asking, that He would provide me with a Canon 7D for Christmas, so that I could more fully provide content for Project: Morning Rain.

Constantly, whenever the thought would come up, I would stop and pray, walking the line of having faith, and not putting my trust in a camera. I kept reminding myself, it wasn't about the camera, it was about me asking my Heavenly Father to give me to the tools I needed to do what He put on my heart to do. I reminded God constantly that He was the One who inspired me to ask for this for Christmas.

On Tuesday, I went to Best Buy to utilize the first $100 that had been donated to buy a portable hard drive for Project: Morning Rain. When I have the completed kit, I will go on a road trip to capture footage for films, interviews, and the like. And I'd need a portable hard drive that would work for that.

I found the unit that would work for me (amazing how small these things are, now), and on my way out, felt the desire to see what cameras were at Best Buy. Surely, not the 7D, I thought. With wife and child in tow, I scanned across the available items, and there, at the very end of the line-up, was the Canon 7D, complete with a lens package for under $2,000. There it was, the thing I was asking for, right in front of me.

If it hadn't been for my wife being such a debt hating Godsend, it would have been so very hard to honor my commitment to God: no more debt for gear. I was not going to make it happen for myself.

Yet there it was, with a finance option of no interest for 18 months. Nevermind that our income isn't enough as it is, that there would be no way to pay that off in time, that, because God moved me to give up side jobs, there's no way any kind of extra money is coming in save through God's providence and His people.

It was there. I tested it, played with it; then walked away. I can tell you this intensified my prayers; oh that someone would see that camera and think of me! I fought desperately, all the more, to focus on asking for what was on my heart, not telling God how it should go down. He told me to pray for it for Christmas, not to tell Him how to make it happen.

The rest of the week, whenever the thought came up, I would pray it, and, as quick as it came, it would leave. I could sense in the back of my mind God saying, "It's not about the camera", and I began to sense what it was He was really doing, but I didn't want to set aside my faith that He might still do this thing -- that was part of the lesson.

I continued, and found myself praying more, and more. And for many things, not just for the 7D. Often it would start with the 7D due to a thought, but then my prayers would quickly wander to other people, families, friends with marriages in tough places, my part of the Church, and many other things.

Strangely, while the thing that drove me to pray was this little camera, I wouldn't stay there long. Again, I began to realize what it was God was really doing, but I felt Him say, "Don't stop praying for that 7D."

The short of it? Christmas came and went, and there is still no camera. (Yet.) But I don't feel disappointment. I know that God knows I need the right tools to get the job done, and I honestly believe this whole thing, months ago, started because He put it in my heart that the current tools I had were too big, too bulky, for what He had for me next.

But at the end of the day, it's not about the tools. Rather, it's bringing everything, whether small or big, before the Father, constantly. I know that my Father will not give me a snake when I have asked for a loaf of bread. I know that my Savior and Lord has put these dreams in my heart, to glorify him with the visions of stories and adventures in my head. And somehow, this experience, this week, strengthened, rather than weakened, that knowledge.

I told Rachel earlier in the week about this, and she said she was concerned that if God didn't deliver, I'd get depressed. I don't think I am. It's difficult. It's really hard right now not to think about how to make it happen, how to justify picking up just a little bit of side work, or to figure out how to make 18 months worth of payments before the interest kicks in, or to...or to...or to...

But I remember the goodness of my God, the people He's placed in my life, and the wealth of the Spirit that I've so often taken for granted (or worse, mistrusted), and it passes. I may have to remind myself multiple times, but it passes. He doesn't want me to scheme and plan, because He wants to have the pleasure of blessing me. It's His joy more than mine.

And whether it's from Best Buy, or from donations, from checks or cash, from men or from angels...I know that He's promised me a camera for this new season. I know it's coming soon. And furthermore...I know it's not about the camera at all.

So I wait with expectation, and I keep praying. I pray every time any thought about anything comes to me, now, because I am so excited to come before my Father with my requests, and leave with more insights than requests I had entered with.

Flyin' by the seat of our pants!

Rachel and I have been in a time of financial testing for the last 19 months. When our daughter entered this world, we both knew that the best thing for her was to have her mother working at home. Effectively, this chopped our income in half. We had stock piled about $5,000 in savings over the last several months in preparation for this, to help buffer us, as our budget is at least on any given month $200 more than our income is now.

The last few months have been the definition of adventure, as God has been using anonymous friends and family (or "friemily", as I like to call them), to help us make it. We've reached the bottom of the barrel, the end of the rope, and yet somehow, God has always found a way to sustain us.

This month has been a stretch. We've had extra expenses, unexpected doctor bills, and lots of other fun surprises. In the midst of it, we've anonymously been given $300 by two generous givers in order that we can make our mortgage payment. Now I just have to figure out how to pay the rest of the bills, and soon, because some of our bills are electronic, and could throw us under the bus, so to speak.

In the midst of it, yesterday we took Juliette to the doctor, as she's been again exhibiting signs of an intestinal genetic disorder that runs through my family (I'm what they call a gutless wonder), so we're now looking forward to genetic counseling, blood tests, and possibly (probably, I'm just ready for it) eventual surgery to remove my kid's colon.

Oh yeah, and in the midst of it, God's calling me to stop scrambling for side jobs and to focus on doing what He's put on my heart to do with my life, which is two simple things: produce media for my part of the Church, and make the films He has for me to produce. While the former doesn't pay much at all, the latter could potentially pay...key word..."potentially"...and far in the future. So it's a great Divine gamble.

To solidify it all, God moved me to give up my personal HD camera and trust Him to give me a new one. I think He wants me focused on these things. But this also means side jobs will be pretty hard to come by for a man who specializes in video work. (He did promise to get me a new camera exclusively for my films...but that's for another blog post.)

And He says, every morning, "I've got you, son."

So, I'm waiting. Waiting for another batch of money to sustain, waiting for bills to disappear, whatever. He's creative, He'll figure it out, and I believe He won't let us see financial ruin.

But if He does? Eh, worse things could happen. I still have lungs to breathe, I still have a heart that isn't hard, I still have eyes that can water, and I have a hot wife and a gorgeous daughter that is a kick to be around.

So, I've decided to have fun with this time. I'm not just surrendering my anxiety. I'm not just praying instead of worrying.

I'm putting on my Fedora, powering up the fanfare, and stepping out to trade slugs with a big Nazi.

And it's going to be fun.

In the words of my hero, Indiana Jones:

"I dunno, I'm makin' this up as I go!"

Getting closer to the Voice of God

Last week, as I was doing some self-examination and praying, I felt God speak to me that one major character flaw that I have not yet addressed is that deep down, I see the Word as resource, but not as recreation. I open the Book when I think I need to hear something from God, but not necessarily just to rest in the "hot tub" of God's truth and let it massage out the kinks. He showed me how I still often rely on other things to chill and relax.

God assured me that I could just sit in His presence with His WORD, and I would be both edified and refreshed.

I felt led to start searching online for some kind of Bible study tool; I wanted to do something more in depth than just reading...I always read it, but I've never really been focused on unpacking the scriptures. Perhaps just like Americans take freedom for granted, being raised by a Bible "superman" like my Dad has made me content to rely on his insights.

I found an inductive study guide that was just right for me. I didn't want to be told what to think, I didn't want any kind of external commentary on what I was reading; I just needed some basic guidelines on how to get more out of the words on the page. I wanted to be able to stretch my mind, and have it stretched, without anyone else's agenda getting in the way or influencing me with human logic.

Praying about what I should focus on, God gave me a picture of starting from the beginning. Not the beginning of the Bible, but rather, what every Christian should begin with, the Gospel itself. Many times past I've tried to start in Genesis and move chronologically through the WORD, because, well, that's what feels "right". But God really moved me to look at it from the perspective of a new believer, and not to be ashamed to return to that perspective. "If you do not become like a little child..."

Then, at that point, it was obvious. The Gospel of John, I think, is the easiest, simplest, most cut and dry account of Jesus.

The inductive process I found and printed out outlined four steps to unpacking and exploring a book of the Bible for oneself. The first step was to do an overview reading and to jot down thoughts and things that interested me as I went along the way. A light read, I nevertheless spent a few days in it, an hour or two at a time.

The second step was to really evaluate what I had read, and I started to jot down a few things, which turned into a few more things, which turned into a paragraph. I'd like to post the most profound thing that I gleaned from my first read-through (with a few added thoughts as I type it in now, in brackets):

True belief is shown by obedience, by action. My actions [however] do not save or condemn me; they merely expose the heart. I must not only seek forgiveness and repentance [for my shortcomings], but study my fruit and bring it to God, staying in His presence so He might finish the work He started. [This then is total honesty with God, myself and with others.] This is why I must spend more time in the WORD [which, John tells us, IS Christ]. Then I will be in His presence, and He can operate on me. This is not a one appointment deal.

I really felt that was from the Lord; just me rephrasing and compacting all the words of Christ that I'd read.

So, this week, I began steps three and four. It was a work week, so I wouldn't have as much time to delve into the WORD as the week prior. God purposed it in my heart to give my lunch hour to Him. While it is a bummer not being able to see my wife and daughter during that hour, I feel it is necessary for the work God is doing.

Wednesday, I was driving to Jack in the Box, and was going to buy a Chicken Sandwich for $1 (because I'm poor), plus a small soda, to enjoy while I sat with the WORD for about an hour. Jack in the Box has recently added Strawberry Fanta to their soda roster, and I love Strawberry Fanta. I was already tasting it in my mouth as I drove down the road.

As I neared the stoplight before Jack's, I felt God say, I want to help pay for your lunch.

"Okay," I replied.

I pulled up, set up my yellow notepad and Bible on a table, then stepped up to the cashier. A woman was in front of me, making a huge order. I didn't think anything of it, wasn't in a hurry. Peaceful. She finished, and the cashier handed the lady her small soda cup.

The lady looked at it and shook her head, "I don't want it." She turned, looked to me and said, "Give it to him."

I'll admit, that was weird. I guess part of me still has been thinking that the Voice I hear might just be me, my own insanity. That was a cool little confirmation. I took the soda cup, thanked the lady, and ordered my Chicken Sandwich.

Thursday, I was headed out to eat lunch with the WORD, and I felt God say, I just want to buy you lunch today.

"Okay," I said aloud.

Go to Carl's Jr. Start reading your Bible, don't order. If I don't provide lunch for you within half an hour, you can order your own food.

Sounded good. I was kind of doubting that one. That was a stretch. The soda cup thing was kind of cool, but this was a bit more of a gamble. With Wednesday's scenario, I was at least in a place of obvious want. I was in line to order. It wasn't hard for the woman to see that I could use the cup she didn't want.

But now I was at a table, with my notepad and my Bible, writing, out of sight of the line. Was someone gonna just walk up and...

As I read and wrote, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, a man walk up to me. I looked at him: it was Stephen, a co-worker at the church.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. I told him. "Weird," he said, "I wasn't planning on eating in, but for some reason when the lady asked if I wanted it for 'here' or 'to go', I said 'here'."

Then he plopped his debit card on my Bible and told me to get some lunch.

I didn't get a whole lot of reading done in that hour. Stephen and I ate together and talked about family, work, life, etc. For a second I felt guilty that I wasn't reading, then I felt God quickly shush that, reveal it to be Satan's work, and said, "This is Me, too. You with others, with The Family." So I put it aside, ate, talked, and then went back to work.

It's really not much in the grand scheme of things. And yet, it is. It's huge.

This same Voice has told me to do things, and I sometimes haven't obeyed, because I wondered, questioned, feared. Earlier this year, He told me to pray for a woman's sight to be healed, and I didn't, because I was fearful. Was it really God? Now I know. It was. There's no condemnation, merely an encouragement that, next time, I'll know, and I will do.

Also, it gives me another measure of faith for a promise He made to me -- again, a relatively small thing, but to me, it's huge. God told me to give my camera to my church home. He told me He would give me the new camera that I wanted. When I find myself saying, "If the Lord wills it," I've actually heard Him say, with a laugh, Shut up, I will it. You're getting it.

So I've started saying, in the confidence of my Father, "When I get my new camera," like a child when they boast of the goodness of their earthly father to hold fast to his word. His WORD.

Praise be to God, who in times of want, and times of plenty, is ever the same. May I hold steadfast to His WORD, and may His goodness be my only source of hope and purpose. No thing, no person, no circumstance. Only Him.