True to oneself?

One of the topics I've seen more and more from various arcs within my circle of friends is this issue of being who you are, being true to yourself, etc. Those kind of mantras. I wanted to share my perspective on that.

Whether you believe that we were born into sin, or born into a sinful world and became corrupted, the Word makes it clear that all have fallen short of the glory of God. I need Christ's provision, or I'm incomplete. I'm fallen. I'm broken. I'm not what He made me to be. Now, if you're not a Christian, if you don't subscribe to that faith, then it's fairly easy to disagree with that idea. However, what perplexes me are the Christians who seem to disagree with the Word itself in that regard.

I'm going to talk about myself, and bare something to you that you may or may not know. In my flesh, if I were to be true to the natural desires of my heart, I would be surfing the internet for pornography every night. I would be less inclined to worry about fidelity in my marriage, and probably wouldn't have taken any precautions to ensure that I didn't cheat on my wife. In my flesh, I'm a sex addict. It's a constant act of surrendering that to the Holy Spirit. It's a constant choice to delve into the Word to overcome it.

That's my battle. That's my choice. And more importantly, without Christ, that's who I am. That's my nature.

If I were to be "true to myself" (that is, the natural drives of my physical heart) right now, that's what I would be doing at this moment, instead of posting this blog. And I'd probably be separated, divorced, or somewhere in the middle.

I personally cannot accept being "true to oneself" as any kind of a Christian principle.

Now, look what I just did in the previous paragraphs. I'm not allowing myself to be true to my heart (that is, the sinful, wicked, and thanks to the provision of Christ, dying side of me), but I am being true about myself. I just told you what I am in my flesh.

But I refuse to let that be the truth that shapes me. You see, I have a choice. I can accept that the way my mind works, the sexual appetites of my flesh, and the perverted thoughts that attempt to take me down are my truth, or I can turn to the Truth of the One who created me, and desires something different.

First, there comes an issue of pride, for me at least. You see, aside from the Holy Spirit, the Word, and the prompting of others connected to the Holy Spirit, there's a dying part of me that doesn't necessarily see any harm in lusting after other women. And I have a choice to make. Do I accept that dying part of myself back into the fold, or do I continue to expose him to the Lord, to the people I trust, and, in this case, to the whole damn world?

If we can't be honest about ourselves, we, even as Christians, do end up becoming true to our old selves. At least, that's how I am. I don't know, maybe you're different.

My flawed nature rails against God's original decree that my eyes stay on one woman; that a man and a woman are to be inseparably connected, the two becoming one flesh. My fallen self rails against one man, one woman, in marriage, for life.

In other words, my dying flesh's personal truth (small "t") directly butts its head against the bearer of Truth (big "T"). You want to hear a really sick thing? When that's happened, I've been tempted to re-invent what God says in His Word to "soften the blow", so to speak. Not only am I tempted to become "true to myself", but am tempted to twist the Truth into fitting me.

Here's the punchline. The Truth doesn't fit me, and I don't fit it. I require the One Who Fits Truth to make provision for me. It's His grace, it's His mercy, it's His love. Love, love, love.

But what does He say? What is His command? Is it "be true to yourself, Brandon"? When the woman caught in adultery was forgiven her sins and spared judgment, is that what Jesus said to the woman? No. "Go, and sin no more."

He makes provision. But then He has a command. Because I've been given grace. Grace is a great power. It's freeing, it's liberating, it's empowering.

If you're a Spidey fan, you know what I'm gonna say next.

With great power, comes great responsibility.

I can't change myself, and I've been done trying for a long, long time. But you know what else I'm not gonna change for myself? The Truth.

The Truth is, lust is a sin. Sexual fantasies of other women is as evil as adultery, per the words of Christ. Adultery is sexual immorality. Sexual immorality is not part of God's plan. God created one man for one woman.

That's the Truth. So while I can't change myself, I have a responsibility to stay in His presence and accept His prodding, through people, through the Word, and through His Spirit, to be obedient, even when it doesn't feel like I'm being true to who I am (that is, the deceitful flesh that wants what it wants, takes what it can take, and lies to get it).

You know who wants me to be true to myself? The lion that seeks to destroy me. He wants me to stay where I've been, to return to my past vomit, so that he can tear me apart with guilt, shame, and loneliness again, and again, and again.

I'll be true about myself, so that I won't have keep being true to myself. Instead... let me be true to what Christ has in store for me.